What happens with fathers?

A father can make a difference in the life of young children by injecting a different parenting style into the mix. If mom has been home all day or been the primary caretaker, her kids can feel a sense of consistency and regularity from her. She is there to feed them, pick them up and drop them off. Even if she’s working, the maternal instinct is often one of nurturing and providing for their many needs. A father comes home and all hell can break loose. Some moms don’t like it, but there’s real value in being picked up and wrestled with — or jostled a bit. It’s a sense of surprise and excitement that is in the world to go along with consistency and nurturing. While exciting a toddler is not an exclusively daddy trait, it’s my professional experience that men dominate this part of child rearing. And ask any toddler or school age child; they are rarely interested in giving up such fun. Down the road, these early memories can even encode a type of dramatic pleasure that can be a source of adult adventure and well being.

A father can show by example how to treat his wife or ex with a dignity that comes from strength. While no one is perfect all the time, a mature man’s deeds are even more important than his words. His boys need to see a healthy way to treat a woman, even if he’s upset with her at times. His girls need to see a standard that is not to be ignored when it’s their turn to have a partner in life. In the Intelligent Divorce, I argue that kids watch what we do and emulate it, whether we like it or not. If your wife or ex is provocative or belligerent, there are ways to protect yourself (as required) without stooping to a low level. This is true power and a great life lesson.

A father is so very important to his daughters on two crucial counts. First, girls benefit greatly by a father or father figure who believes in them. It's natural to cheer your son on; after all, he's a chip off the old block. Great fathering is to be found with those dads that see excellence in their daughters. Count your successful woman out there, and you'll often find a supportive dad. Second, and not less important, every young girl deserves a daddy who loves her for who she is. A girl who is truly adored by her dad internalizes this good experience and knows in her bones what it means to feel special. She is less likely to make a mistake in choosing a good partner in life; she knows intuitively what it means to be loved. While some feminists may critique this point, I do think there is some validity here. I have seen too many women in my practice who consistently pick unreliable men, and few of them had the experience of simple paternal adoration in their youth. It is a vaccine of sorts.

A father can help a son handle the power of his adolescent surge of aggression and need for independence. Too often, adolescent boys are being raised by competent mothers who have been saddled with passive husbands or absent ex husbands. While this sometimes works out, it’s usually a recipe for disaster.Adolescence boys have difficulty taking direction from a mother without male backup. It may be politically incorrect to say this, but many teenage boys can experience the powerful feeling of emotional castration and fight back, even if they don’t know why.Somehow, they sense that if they give in to mommy, then their ‘manhood’ is at stake. It’s asking a lot of a 16-year-old to handle powerful feelings of aggression and frustration this way. A strong and caring dad can more easily set limits and show his son how men find dignity and honor in managing their power rather than being overrun by it. Think of the movie Officer and a Gentleman, in which the Richard Gere character has an alcoholic father and is unruly himself. He is straightened out by his Sergeant Major, played by Lou Gossett Jr., in a role that defines tough mentorship. Or, better yet, consider the powerful mentoring of a father figure as seen in the two Karate Kid movies. Both movies depict a timeless truth that male mentoring — usually by a father — meets a boy’s aggression constructively and helps move him to adulthood, feeling more competent and worldly. ~Taken from "Four Great Things Dads Do. A good father makes a world of difference. Here are some reasons why." Published on June 17, 2012 by Mark Banschick, M.D. in The Intelligent Divorce
The article can be found in its entirety here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201206/four-great-things-dads-do


A good father figure more than halves a child’s risk of being a drug addict, and about a 90% reduction in a child’s likelihood of being involved in crime. It also has a profound effect on depression.

Dr. David Popenoe, one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood says this. "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home," he says. "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."

~Popenoe, D. (1996). Life without father: Compelling new evidence that fatherhood and marriage are indispensable for the good of children and society (p. 163). New York, NY: The Free Press; Stanton, G. T. (2003)

A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers

~Pruett, K. (2000). Father-need. New York, NY: Broadway Books; Sternberg, K. J. (1997)

Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children also are less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood. Infants who receive high levels of affection from their fathers (e.g., babies whose fathers respond quickly to their cries and who play together) are more securely attached; that is, they can explore their environment comfortably when a parent is nearby and can readily accept comfort from their parent after a brief separation. A number of studies suggest they also are more sociable and popular with other children throughout early childhood

Using a sample of resident fathers in the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study- Birth Cohort (9-month Father Study), researchers examined the connection between father involvement and infant cognitive outcomes in two domains (babbling and exploring objects with a purpose). Results indicate that aspects of father involvement, such as cognitively stimulating activities, physical care, paternal warmth, and caregiving activities are associated with lower chances of infant cognitive delay. Findings indicate that early positive father-child interactions reduce cognitive delay.

~Bronte-Tinkew, J., Carrano, J., Horowitz, A., & Kinukawa, A. (2008). Involvement among resident fathers and links to infant cognitive outcomes. Journal of Family Issues, 29, 1211-1244.

A study examining father involvement with 134 children of adolescent mothers over the first 10 years of life, researchers found that father-child contact was associated with better socio-emotional and academic functioning. The results indicated that children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement. This study showed the significance of the role of fathers in the lives of at-risk children, even in case of nonresident fathers.
~Howard, K. S., Burke Lefever, J. E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman , T. L. (2006). Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468- 476.

Father involvement is related to positive cognitive, developmental, and socio-behavioral child outcomes, such as improved weight gain in preterm infants, improved breastfeeding rates, higher receptive language skills, and higher academic achievement. 

~Garfield, C. F., & Isacco, A. (2006). Fathers and the well-child visit, Pediatrics, 117, 637-645.

There is evidence supporting the positive influence of father engagement on children’s social, behavioral, and psychological outcomes. Father involvement seems to reduce the occurrence of behavioral problems in boys and psychological problems in young women, as well as enhancing cognitive development, while decreasing delinquency and economic disadvantage in low-income families.

~Sarkadi, A., Kristiansson, R., Oberklaid, F., & Bremberg, S. (2008). Fathers’ involvement and children’s developmental outcomes: a systematic review of longitudinal studies. Acta Pædiatrica, 97, 153–158

Premature infants who have increased visits from their fathers during hospitalization have improved weight gain and score higher on developmental tests.
~Coleman WL, Garfield CF, and the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. “Fathers and Pediatricians: Enhancing Men’s Roles in the Care and Development of their Children”. American Academy of Pediatrics Policy Statement, Pediatrics, May, 2004.

When fathers are involved during the pregnancy, babies have fewer complications at birth.
~Alio, A.P., Mbah, A.K., Kornosky, J.L., Marty, P.J. & Salihu, H.M. "The Impact of Paternal Involvement on Feto-Infant Morbidity among Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics". Matern Child Health J. 2010; 14(5): 735-41.

Babies with a father’s name on the birth certificate are 4 times more likely to live past 1 year of age.
~Alio, A.P., Mbah, A.K., Kornosky, J.L., Marty, P.J. & Salihu, H.M. "The Impact of Paternal Involvement on Feto-Infant Morbidity among Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics". Matern Child Health J. 2010; 14(5): 735-41.

Sources:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/CFSForum/c4.htm
http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200909/Rocking%20&%20Rolling%20909.pdf
http://www.fatherhood.org/statistics-on-father-absence-download
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201206/four-great-things-dads-do